The Room For Improvement

hating this

2012-02-02T03:53:00.002+08:00

I know Im not the brightest student, nor am I the smartest human being in the whole world
And I also know that I'm not a smart person. In fact nowhere near that
For that, Im reeeeeeeeally frustrated! I am frustrated that I dont ask the right questions, say the right thing at the right time, and I'm so sick of being called a "bimbo"
It is such an insult to me. Yes I'm blur most of the time. I want to change that. I want to be a smart person too if im given a chance.
It's just so insulting to have friends or circumstances to make you feel more stupid than u already are. Seriously. I dont know who to vent to. Its just too.. frustrating.
Most of all, Im sick of being "bimbo" or "dumb" or whatsoever. Im really sick of all this shit.

who can understand

2011-03-19T01:16:00.002+08:00

I'm praying to God.. I am a backslider.. yet now I'm turning back to Him. This is not a right reason for me to turn to Him.. but still..i need to.. because my mum has developed a cancer in her womb

I feel so grieved and sad, but I remained calm and cool so that my mom knows that I don't give up on the situation. At least someone needs to be positive in order for my mum to think positive too right? If i cry and show my despair in front of her, this is not going to help with her condition. The doctor told us that he needs to perform a surgery, which is to remove the entire womb.

BUT

my dad told her that his colleague's wife did that operation and a month later, she passed away.

Which decision should she take? I don't know which to encourage. If i encourage her to perform the surgery, this might not be good. But if i dont, the cancer may spread somewhere else. Please God, do not take my mom away from me. I'm not ready to lose her. Not yet. God, please. Have mercy on her. She doesn't deserve this. Please hear my cries God.. I beg You.

i need to stay strong in front of my siblings. Mom told me to keep this a secret from them. I have to pretend that i'm ok but inside i'm bleeding. I can only cry silently when all the lights are out and when mom is sleeping. It hurts so bad. It really does.

Plus, my mock exam is just looming around the corner(next week). I have no mood to study at all. All i can think about is my mom. How can i fix this? What should i do? God please do not forsake me at this hour.

random thought

2011-01-24T13:50:00.003+08:00

Doctor patient relationship is strictly forbidden.. I think the same about student teacher relationship too..

Its like.. wrong.. so wrong.. i watched Pretty Little Liars and Aria having relationship with the teacher is just.. plain wong.. Althought they made a sexy couple, still.. its just.. not right!! I cant even imagine me loving my lecturer.. like um.. no way. Love them as lecturers, yes. Lovers? no way..

what should i do

2011-01-15T02:02:00.003+08:00

Two of my besties are transferring to ATC next sem.. I do not want to leave PTPL.. i really do not.. and i want them to stay with me as well.. sigh.. Guess i can't have my cake and eat it too, and i guess.. trouble would not stay away from me. No peace. There are several reasons why i do not like atc

1. the location

hello? that place is packed. Even if i drive i dont know if im able to find parking. aihhh

2. The people

Lets face it. One of the main reasons is because they are there.. I do not need people labelling me as a "bitch" or some other name.. namely "fake", from some misunderstanding 2 years ago. I just want to be loved. I love it in PTPL. I feel belonged.. i feel loved.. mainly because of my classmates. I love Alicia and Ann.. They are my really good friends. I cant bear to leave them. My lecturers are awesome. I love Kevin.. He's my ultimate favourite, despite the constant teasing. lol. I like him even more than Siraj. (not more than a lecturer duh!!) I love Jane.. I really enjoy her class a lot.. I love the college. I love everything about it despite the somewhat old facility.

Monday morning.. before Kevin's class i was bombarded with the information Ann gave me: they confirmed that they both.. wanted to transfer to ATC. I was in a state of shock. I couldn't concentrate. I was trying to hold back my tears. I wanted to cry. Well in the end i did. All i asked was WHY?

The other day.. during sem break i met Alicia in Chilis.. When she told me that she was having thoughts about leaving, i prayed to God.. I told Him, please.. God, please do not take them away from me. Do not take my good friends away from me. Please.

But in the end, He did. Its not decided yet but GOD PLEASE! DON'T. MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING ME. 1 BY 1. Im so worried that after they went to ATC, their perceptions would change towards me. I'm terrified. Im scared that after they went to ATC, they would listen to rumors and change their perceptions towards me. God, I know i haven't come to You for a long time. I know that I've backslided. I never go to church anymore. But God, do You understand why i did not go?

God, please.. I only ask of You for this. Please.. Grant us some loan so that they wouldn't change their mind. Please.. I beg You!

betrayer?

2010-12-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

am i really a betrayer of the family? I chose Christ instead of the family tradition.. to be a buddhist.. i broke my mom's heart.

emo

and next week is my final. I have no mood to study at all.

the Christian thing

2010-12-08T23:25:00.003+08:00

It was my mum who allowed me to go to church. It was her, who fetched me to church after massive begging from me. It was her, who covered for me.. the whole story about me going to church, from my dad.

still,

it is her who still can't accept the fact that i'm a Christian

im really upset.

I thought she accepted me for who i am all along.. but there's a part of me that she still cannot accept. And it breaks my heart to say this.

I uphold my family members into Your hands, Lord.. please soften their hearts and lead them to the way to salvation. Let them know who You are, that you are the way, the truth and the life.. that You are God, and You are real. Thank You God.. Thank You.. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

I believe God will hear my prayers.. he knows whats in my heart. I have faith that 1 day, God will lead them to Salvation. 1 day.

im stupid

2010-12-07T16:39:00.002+08:00

title says it all. nuff said.

Using my real name? what was i even thinking?!

i m such a blabbermouth! wth.. i should stop at nuff said.. but i just keep going forward.. ROFLMAO

and if you haven't noticed yet, every time i write, i complain.. (note to self: i need to change or else imma bring my readers down with me.) On second thought.. what readers? LOL

YAY!

2010-01-22T12:42:00.001+08:00

ahh

start the post off without havin to say OMG every time

Hheheh

Mom's outta surgery room at 1030

approximately 2 hours

hmm.. well she's in a great deal of pain now so she is alr sleeping soundly

AND U KNOW HOW BIG THE PAINKILLER IS?!

omg... SO HUGEEEE!!

and she swallowed.. 2 of them! 2!!

wow.. if it was for me i'd chew em off no matter how bitter they are

well hey.. i bet it feels better than havin them choked around your neck rite?

;)

GLAD THAT MOM MADE IT!

YAY MOM!

waiting kills the most

2010-01-22T08:59:00.001+08:00

omg.. waiting outside the operating room as we speak!

I REALLY do pray for ma mum's successful operation.

hope that she will be doing just fine!!!!

pls pls pls be well..

will b prayin for her speedy recovery

Ohhh

plus

GOD, PLEASE... let that NOT be a cancer.. i pray.. i beg You...

PLEASE!!!!

mom, please be alrite

2010-01-22T06:23:00.002+08:00

gosh.. im writing just seconds before leaving the house

MOM, please please go thru this surgery SAFELY.. been praying a lot

you'll be fine mom..

but why am i worried?

God, please look after her, protect her from any harm and please bring her back safely

this family needs her

without her as the pillar, everything will fall apart

thank U God, for everything.

I ask and I pray that the surgery will go well

I put all my faith in You

In the name of Jesus

Amen

cant get over you.. 2010.. help me

2010-01-02T03:37:00.002+08:00

its 2010, i cant get over u yet.. why r u leaving such heavy scars in my heart? wound is slowly healing up, but it still hurts everytime i think of you..

i might never forgive you of what you did, but i still do miss you.. thats why i cant forgive you??

i have no idea.. why cant i forget about you like you did forget about me??

Friends come and go, and you left footprints in my heart.. along with a knife at my back.. that, hurts the most despite how much i looked out for you.. how much i loved you as my friend..

grown up

2009-12-01T05:54:00.004+08:00

Im a kid at heart, just like the great Michael Jackson used to quote..

Grown a lot, suffered a lot, laughed, cried, played..

God was so gracious for everything! i mean, He's my shepherd.. my Guide, my Father, my best friend, my all.. However, i feel guilty for not surrendering everything to Him, for not obeying Him, for all those sins that i've commited. I am ashamed to see Him, I'm too afraid.. i wanna be His favourite, but I've hurt Him.. I've lost his trust, i dont go to Him anymore.. it will take a lotta courage for me to step into church again.. for sure.. but i really dont know how yet.. until 1 day... 1 day when im ready.. 1 day

been betrayed again this year, trusted in wrong people, but i will never stop loving! thats what i mean.. i wont.. Yes, i admit, i've been hurt, i've suffered, but through that all, i realised that i need people being there for me when i was goin thru all those.. therefore, i wont give up! i continue to grow, love and give out all the love i could give to everyone, especially to those who will be going through the same thing i do!

skeletons in closet?

2009-12-01T05:46:00.003+08:00

OMG! i just found out that someone i know has a very very huge skeleton in his closet!

well

not gonna reveal much, but how could HE, how could he have a double life?

pretend to be someone else in Malaysia, then be another person somewhere else?

what about his gf in penang while he's in his home town?

what bout his home town gf when he's in penang?

NO WONDER he never uses his real name when he's here

Gosh.. omg i shouldnt have bug into people's business

Hehe.. but its so surprising that i played detective and found out

and i consider that an achievement? well noone reads this blog anyways so

here it is!

how do i feel?

2009-11-10T01:40:00.000+08:00

Blogging

2009-08-27T11:06:00.002+08:00

Well.. this blog is called the room for improvement, but it seems like i dont make any improvements at all.. The same thing happens again and again and again..

Backstabbers, misunderstandings, anything! Beware man.. I mean those things really cut you deep from the inside out and there is no cure for the broken heart.. Chocolates? Hmm.. Not really.. Lol!

These days i really learnt my lesson.. Cant really trust a person.. And put your100% feelings into something.. This will destroy you.. Come on.. look at my past.. Now i alr learnt to let go.. I really wanted to talk to them back, but well.. They do not seem to be interested in it at all... Im changed.. Now im emotionless. Cant feel any pain, any hurt, any anger now.. I alr forgiven you all, and i hope that you guys will do the same as well.. Holding grudges taught me something.. Yeah, revenge is sweet, but it eats you up inside. You will get consumed by the power and somehow.. I have no idea how to solve this.. Yeah.. now i AM fake...

I dont do anything wrong, but at the same time i had to avoid you all.. Come on. Wht have i done wrong? Yeah i might have some misunderstanding with someone, and along the way i dragged u all with it.. So what? I really misunderstood one person and now you all punish me for MY misunderstanding with someone else?? Thats just brilliant.. Ido not want any part of the friendship if you guys are like that.. I quit! Unlike you, this blog is very personal, so noone can come and see.. Unpublished sanctuary of myself. I do not go around yelling and screaming how you did me wrong like you did in facebook and plurk. Grow up man... I did not did anything wrong to u all. treated u all likemy own sisters and now you hate me becus of my misunderstanding with someone else? Wow how brilliant!

history is repeating itself again

2009-08-14T19:47:00.002+08:00

Haizzz.. wad to do with my life!! Im always faced with this kinda prob.. It sucks being me

All these happens since i was at the end of form 5, NS, JMTi, and now PTPL also

Why do people always regard me as the "bad" 1? I really do care for them, love them as my own friend. Some even my sister. But hell, they always listen to somebody else and decided to boycott me. What did i do?
Why the hell to they listen to other people? If they were truly my friend, they should stand by me and believe in me

When u see an indian and a snake, u should beat the indian 1st, for they are the worst of all and they do more damage to you then 100X100000 snakes combined. He spreaded slander about me, making me and my friends fall apart...

My bf doesnt even understand me for who i am. This person did so much damage to me alr, but he still wants to keep on being his friend. This "friend" of his already do me so much damage.. He still wanna be his friend.. I dun understand why! Really suck it i tell you.. it seriously sucks so much!

Bad bad man

2009-08-11T12:38:00.001+08:00

No one knows what its like.. to be a bad man.. to be a sad man
Im always the bad person.. from its very beggining
I duno when.. I feel that im always the bad one..
Telling someone about my feelings, im bad... wooo
Accidentally tell someone bout something, im bad.. I lost their trust! Wooo
Im bad, bad bad.. Im always bad..
Im the BAD one.. I know! I KNOW IT ALL ALONG! IM EVIL.. IM BAD!
U WANT ME TO BE BAD?? OK U ASKED FOR IT! IM SO TIRED OF HAVIN TO WEAR A MASK.. TO BE WITH SOMEONE AND HAD TO PRETEND THEY DONT HATE ME.. IM DONE.. I REALLY AM

Tribute to Benjamin

2008-10-03T19:48:00.003+08:00

"To the woman I will marry one day, this is my promise to you - I will be the man that God designed and desires me to be for you. I desire to the greatest father in the world to our kids and together we will raise a family that will change this world! Whoever you are, I want to love you. And I love you. I want to love our kids. I love our kids."

Imagine a guy telling you this! How would you feel? Lol! Every girl would just melt listening a guy telling this to them...This is a quote that my best friend wrote on his facebook notes. To be honest I'm quite awed and amazed of how he can be.. Of course, that's no surprise... He has always loved kids, and the kids love him! (this was because I was his collegue in Tadika Rajawali...) no surprise! He is an extremely creative guy and the love and passion that he has for kids, it's incomparable to anyone else I know.

Nowadays, the world lacks in commitment and compassion. This is one of the reason why more and more single mothers are formed in this face of earth. Not many men want kids of their own.. In fact, most of them would shun their responsibilities as father to their children and worse, some of the idiots even have the guts to convince their giflfriend/ wife to perform an abortion because they do not want this "burden".

Lets just put the kids issue aside, shall we? Most men can't even keep themselves commited in a serious relationship. All they ever wanted was to sleep with girls and find another flings the next day. To be honest, I'm quite disgusted of those men.. These guys totally toyed with girls' feelings, then they just throw them aside. If the girl they slept with found theirselves pregnant, they could just convince her into an abortion..What is this world becoming? Where is all the love and compassion? Where is the love?

Ben, kudos to you. I will keep you in my prayers. May God bless you with the one you trully love and that she will give you unconditionally in return. I know that God is so going to bless you with a very very happy family!

lesson well learnt

2008-10-03T04:11:00.002+08:00

Now that I come to know this, I've grown so much since the last time I was in high school. The adults were right. We will never learn anything about life until we get out of high school and learn about how this society rules.

First of all.. Never trust anyone completely, especially those you think who are close to you. The tip is to always keep a distance to everyone you know.. No matter how nice he/she treats you, don't reveal everything to them. Things can turn out pretty nasty.

Second thing is, never ever show your weaker side to anyone! NO one should see the weaker side of you because once they do, they are going to exploit that weakness of yours. Always remember to let others see the stronger side of you. Nothing more.

Here's the next tip: Being nice is a good thing, but everything has its limit. Being too nice has its consequences. You'll be pushed around by everyone, and eventually, you're a pushover. You always do what people tell you to do without a cause and they can turn around and stab you in the back. These people won't think about what you did to help them. In fact, they were just trying to get the benefit from you. Once they suck out everything they possibly could get from you, they either turn around and bite you or they just throw you away like rubbish.

Consider this lesson well learnt. Even bad memories have a place in a good life. At least I won't be doing nor repeating those mistakes anymore. I've had enough and now I'm not the Yik Min you used to know.. I'm the new me and if you think about using me for anything, think again. Not gonna happen!

xo xo
-yikmin-

Passion OF Christ vs Passion FOR Christ

2008-03-31T02:18:00.003+08:00

Now what is passion?

Passion means ALL-IN. The stuff we talk about the most in our daily conversation. If we really do have a passion for something, we actually spend time on it. Now if we claimed that we have the passion for Christ, it means that we actually spend time with Him, talk to Him...How many of us actually do that?

People are so occupied with their daily life, may it be assignments, work,tests, that they" Do not have the time for God". I was one of them. Yeah I'm head over heels with Jesus Christ, but who am I to say that my passion is Christ??I can hardly spend time on Him. All I care about is my impending SAT that is just looming around the corner and assignments and quizzes and tests...Shame on me!!

This is what the Devil wants actually. To keep us occupied and to keep us apart from God. Every now and then, I have to be focused and plan my time well, not to let anything to come between me and God almighty.

The passion of Christ is, of course,His people. Lets take a look at His life, shall we? All that He did, carrying the cross and being tortured nd crucified, He did it just for us, His children, so that we can be set free from our sins. Never...and I mean, NEVER had He complained about it. He is our saviour, our friend people! If we can't put our trust and faith in Him, who else can we trust?

Lets make an effort and have the passion for Christ!!

When you're Gone...

2007-08-12T14:29:00.000+08:00

I bet you heard this saying before..You will never appreciate something..not until or unless you haven't lose it yet..Well yea..I'm about to lose someone very dear to me.My best friend..

Well if you're reading dis, I jz wanna let u know that you mean a lot to me..no one knows me better than you do.Well..I will remember the good old days we had together.Hanging out at the MCd, getting more than 8 Pepsi refills,movies and spending the whole day at Seoul Garden, having our Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner at the same time..Hehe.I will always, always miss you!

Lessons learnt

2007-05-29T03:50:00.000+08:00

I dunno bout you guys, but I found out about this fact recently. I found out that...the more you want something, the more you want to cling on to it and never let it go, the more it's gonna get away from you.(not literally...) SAD, dontcha think?

If you really know that something's not going to belong to you, you just gotta let it go. No matter what. I'm not just talking about physical stuff or the stuff that can be exchangable with money. It's something that's a little more...complicated....If only the matter is that easy. If only money can be used for everything. If only money can be used to stop suffering, if only money can buy you happiness, if only money can buy you trust....That makes a lot of things easier, doesn't it?

But...hey! This is real life! Nothing is THAT easy. Yeah...well....I'm outta words now. Guess I'm gonna have to continue this some other time.

=(

2007-02-19T16:25:00.000+08:00

Like yeah! I'm not allowed to go anywhere...at least, not until After the 2nd day of CNY... sad... T.T

My working life is quite tiring, but life without work...Sigh! What a Perpetual Torture! I'm now just practically wasting each and every second of my life, doing nothing but just rotting at home...again! Irony, dont you think?Think about it. I had to put up with my annoying cousins who came to stay at my place for this CNY, who, love touching and reading everything in my room without my permission, InclUdInG my journal, as if the room is theirs. Gee...don't they have a sense of privacy?

As if all the boring CNY TV programmes aren't enough to kill my boredome,the aunties from who-knows-where [Yipee...Not! :( ] just had to come along and stir things up. Not that I don't like guests, but all these aunties...they can get a booring conversation going for hours and hours and hours and hours...and all I had to do is just sit there and listen and listen and listen and...fall asleep in the way. I really Had a blast!(as if!)

But again....

As they say, every coud has a silver lining. As my family members are too preoccupied in entertaining the guests, no body has the time to notice my presence at home( normally it lasts more than 2 hours). Devotion time!! WOO HOO! This festive season has really given me enough time to catch up with the Bible reading plan) .Hey hey...I get to spend my hours with God! Life is not so bad after all!! =)

New Year's Coming?!

2007-01-01T02:14:00.000+08:00

WOW!! I can hardly believe what I'm experiencing! Another year passed by..Huh! Just like That! It seems just yesterday I was counting down for 2006 and here I am now, stepping into another year, opening a new chapter of my life, ready to embrace the world! Ready world! Here I come!!

2007!! 2007,man!! Whoa. Time sure flies! In retrospect, 2006 had been such a dramatic year for me. Life was great at the beggining of the year But everything just fell apart like a house of cards by the time it reached the end of the year.My life was a total mess.Any how, I still thank God for his love and grace, for being with me through good times and tough times, for comforting me and giving me the peace in my heart when I was experiencing very tough times,for speaking to me, for leading me to PCC, for blessing me with all the goodness in my life.

I want to dedicate my love to the Lord Jesus Christ for everything,for blessing me with all the wonderful people at the church and in school.Among them are:

1. BELLE! Thanks for bringing me to this fantastic church and being such a great friend to me. I can never thank you Enough!What would I do without you? I can hardly imagine. Thanks for all the rides home,the supper, thanks for believing in me and thanks for all the prayers.I know I can come to you whenever I'm heavily ladened with any trouble.I must have done something very good to be blessed with such a great friend like you.Huggss!!

2.BENJAMIN!! Hey thanks for being such a good company to me. You're great,dude! Thanks for strengthening my faith towards God and sharing your experiences with me.Having you as a friend is such a blessing to me and I enjoy your company 24/7. Thanks a lot!Oh and thanks for the CD! Love the songs!

3.NOEL! You're sooo nice towards me since the day you know me and you're obviously more than just an amazing guy! Thanks for all your nice compliments and oo..remember the time you drove me to supper and I went off without having supper and without telling you that I was leaving? Haha..thanks for everything!

4.OLIVER! Yo! Thanks for teaching me a new word for supper called "supperder"(I'm not sure about the spelling) and for sharing the food with me! You're such a good pal and a fun guy to hang out with!You Rock!!

5.LESLIE! Yea yea...tell la..tell la...After all the bugging..haha...you finally gave in! Anyway, thank you for bringing me to ISCA and for all the wacky times.LOL!!

6.RACHEL(YEOH,OOI AND LIM), EMILY, MAY LYNN,XE HUI,SHARI, TABITHA......(hey forgive me if I did not write your names down..there are too many people!)Thanks for all the great and fun times we spent together.Love ya!

7.JOLYNN!!
Hey girl! Thought I forget about you? How could I? You're one of the nicest person I've EVER met in this world! Thanks for being there with me, through all the good and bad times. I know I can count on you no matter what.YOu'll be here first thing to give me all the support I need whenever,wherever.Thanks dude!! You've been soo great to me!HUGGS!!!

Last but not least..TZE LIN, JAVY!! Thanks for believing in me when no one else would and thanks for listening to me and for all the advices you guys gave.Ahh...Tze Lin! Thanks for sharing your music with me and everything! We've been in the same class for 4 years! Remember the times we did Disco in class? We just put some songs in the radio and boom! Saturday Night Fever! WAcky! Oh I'm so gonna miss all the crazy times spent with the both of you! Muax!!

So here goes all the dedication for the night.I'm really thankful for all the goodness in my life and I just can't wait to embrace 2007!!Something tells me that It's going to be a great year ahead!Thanks to GOD all those wonderful people I mentioned above, I'm still sane and I'm now stronger and tougher than ever!

The Fact Of Life

2006-12-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

Ahh..New year's just around the corner and here I am, still slouching around, feeling like a junk of the century while others are busy preparing everything they need for a whole new year.For example my Dad's busy working on the company's account, my brother and lil sis are busy shopping for books and school utensils...

Yeah..I should probably go and look for a job rather than rotting at home day after day and be a couch potato for months to come.It's better for me to help the family to earn some extra income rather than spending it!

Which reminds me--looking for a job is NOT an easy thing to do,believe me. Now I finally realise that you can't have your dream job with just a mere SPM levelled certificate. I was planing to become a lab assistant but after walking around USM for the whole day,I can't seem to get a job. Irony, isn't it? They're actually hiring the university students. Hey, I would do the same thing if I'm the university's authority. Who would want to hire a high school graduate who barely even know about chemistry?(tho I know the stuff in my f4 +f5 syllabus)No fair!

There are 2 reasons why I'm interested in being a lab assistant:
1.I can learn more about college life
2.I can get recommendations from the profs. to a better college or university

Great!My dream's crushed and now what's left for me is to be a kindy teacher.I just love kids. Most of my friends chose to work at Queensbay. Yeah I can still put up with the noisy kids and I do not mind chasing after them but one thing I can't and never will stand is the picky customers! Ugh! Just the thought of it makes me want to slap those customers in the face! How can I force a smile at them while they're being nasty towards me? Service with a smile? No thanks. I'll probably get fired,first day at work.That's what my Dad told me.Yikes!!

Well, one more thing. I can take driving lessons...FINALLY!! Hallelujah!! Praise the Lord! I've been praying for this day to come and finally..Thank You Jesus! My Dad won't let this reckless thing drive around the town,(a.k.a yours truly) but after some Serious persuading( I mean,SERIOUS),he finally gave in.I know you always have a soft spot,Daddy! Haha!Guess that's it! Good night everyone!

Christmas Day!

2006-12-25T17:14:00.000+08:00

Wow..Now to think of it, christmas day's almost over and I'll have to wait for another year for Christmas to come.Ahh..all these christmas spirit thingy just have to go(reluctantly).To me, Christmas is the most joyous holiday of all in the whole entire year! Hey,it's the Lord Jesus Christ's birthday!! Happy birthday Jesus!Oh boy! I just love the christmas carols!Guess it's time to let Christmas go and make a new year resolution.

A prayer

2006-12-16T01:09:00.000+08:00

I don't get this.As I was listening to the music in the cold,empty living room,I feel this...sadness coming over me all of a sudden.It was so overwhelming and it was such a powerful feeling that it almost drowned me just now.What's happening?

Lord,
I come to You now,with my heart heavily broken.Please lead me to You O God.Even though I told everyone that I'm doing perfectly Ok, but You know it better than I do O Lord. I'm still not feeling any better.I'm hurt,O Lord.My soul cries out to You.Lord,heal me.Guide me to the right path.I need you Lord.

Lord,
I'm not happy about what's going on around me.I'm regretting every actions that I took.I'm so tired of this life.I'm weary O Father God.Why do my life has to be this way? I can't hold on to it much longer.The reason that I'm still surviving now is because I still hold on to Your word.You promised me that You will never isolate or forsake me.I'm in desperate need of Your guidance,O Lord. Search my heart,tell me what should I do,O Lord,to continue with this life.I feel like a loser,a pathetic human being.Nothing seemed right for me.Each step I take is going to end up with tragedy.I do not want to hurt the people around me.Lord,I do not want them to suffer because of the sins I've commited.I do not want to wear another mask anymore.I can't pretend for much longer.I'm falling apart.

Lord,
Only You know what's happening to me.Only You can understand how I feel right now.I feel so betrayed,so frustrated,so bitter! Why,O Lord,when everything seemed to go right,it just has to go straight downhill for me?I'm in pain,Lord! I do not want to have high hopes for practically anything else,and watching it fall apart at the end of the day.I do not want it to be this way anymore.When will I forget about this?When will this come to a complete stop? Whenever I'm alone in quietness,my past will come back to haunt me.Lord,How can I overcome,how can I cope with this?Lord,please come to me,and heal me.O Lord!I'm at my wit's end.Show me a way Lord!

Lord,
I do not want to live my life to please anyone.I do not want to live my life for anyone else.I feel so empty.My life is hollow.I feel like I can't trust anyone any longer.After what she did to me,I often wake up in the middle of the night,having dreams about the betrayal she commited.SOmetimes I really feel like giving up on the whole thing,but I just couldn't.

Lord Jesus,
I know that I can put all my faith in You.Forgive me for I took back all the problems from You.Come to me,O Lord!Speak to me,tell me the right move.Hear this broken heart Lord,that cried out to You.Hear my cries. Heal this wound and help me not to remember anything from that incident,ever again,for I,did not give up on our friendship.You know the truth and You know it well.I can't bear hearing another accuse thrown in my way,for I did not do it! I did not do anything to hurt my friend,and yet,Lord, why is she doing this to me instead? I do not understand this! Help me Lord! Give me the strength to move on with my life,O Lord! I know that I can come to You and to depend anytime and anywhere.
Thank You Father.

In the mighty name of Jesus,
I pray,
AMEN!

Make an effort people!

2006-12-15T19:14:00.000+08:00

I came across this ad when I was watching the big dumb box at home today.Since the SPM's over and since I have nothing better to do than rot in front of the TV set,so..yeah. This is where the whole thing began.The ad goes like this: Slim down to several inches without a single effort! Yes you heard right! With 0 effort,you can go from this(the picture taken before) to THIS!(the new,slimmer picture)

Then I thought to myself. People living in this 21st century are too pampered.People are becoming lazier and lazier as time goes by.They want to do things(which are tough to achieve)without making ay effort.To me,slimming down takes no shortcut. You'll have to maitain a strict diet, stick to vegetables and fruits and cut down on oily food such as fast food, and prolong your hours of excercise in the gym.We have to make one or two sacrifices every once in a while in order to succeed.It's the people like them(people who don't want to make any effort at all) that keep enterprisers like them(the slimming centres and the slimming pills company) in business.

The Lord Jesus Christ sacrificed Himself at the cross for us,human beings to set us free from sins for all of us are sinners.The Heavenly Father sent his only Son,Jesus Christ to die for us.Like I said,there is no such thing as shortcuts.The power of the Lord is powerful enough to free all of us from sins.He could've just take a shortcut to set us free from sins. Why did He go through all that trouble? It's because the Lord loves us.He cares for us! See? Even the great Lord had to make a sacrifice for us.Why can't we just take the necessary steps and make a little sacrifice to achieve our goal?Make an effort!Remember, Success does not come to you if you just sit there and do nothing, you MUST go to success!

Learn to live or live to learn?

2006-12-15T15:03:00.000+08:00

This question hit me when I was about to go to sleep last night. Do we live to learn or do we learn to live? Well, it depends on the different point of views. To me, we,human beings learn to live.Why do I say that? You may ask.Ok.Lets see..we learn to walk and talk in he early stages of our lives in order to live.We learn all the lessons that makes us stronger,tougher to face the challenges in life as we grow.Although we may face a lot of circumstances that weaken us and make us feel that we can't hold on to it much longer, we learn in the whole process.

Let me share one of my experiences with you.I brokeup with my best friend,whom I trusted and shared all my life with just a few days before SPm.Why? This was merely because I found out(accidentally) that she was disloyal to me. She stabbed me behind my back and told lies about me and the worst part of it is, she's quite influential in school.She told a whole different story to the whole school so that she can make me look bad while her,looking angelic and innocent at the same time.I,however,faced a tough time for people believe in her twisted story and they accused me of doing things that I swear I did not do without finding out the truth. This was absurd.She reared her ugly side by telling everyone that I am a mentally disorder person and I can't survive without theraphies every single day. What the heck?! She even blocked me in Friendster.com and she blocked me in the MSN messenger.I was so hurt at that time and I couldn't concentrate in my SPM.Thanks to the Lord, he healed me by wrapping His arms around me when I was crying in the middle of the night and guided me by telling me what to study for SPM.From this incident, I've learnt that we can't trust a person completely and from then on, I am transformed into a stronger and tougher person.My realtionship with God was brought closer.

I came to know the Lord when I was in desperate need of help last year. Thanks to Aunt Theresa who taught me all I need to know for christianity, I'm now a more confident and a tougher person, for deep down inside of me, I know that The Lord will be with me,guiding me in my times of need.Just have faith in Him and he will guide you to the path that He has laid for you!Praise The Lord!AMEN!!

God Bless!!

Confused

2006-12-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

I get this for most of the times in my life.Confused. What are my purposes in life? I can't really think of anything else except serving the Lord God Almighty.

Sometimes I tend to ponder. What am I doing here in the face of this earth and Why am I here? I'm not as great as God(nowhere near that) and neither am I good at anything OR as anyone else who is,of course,succesful and doing great in every single way. Most people Know what are their purposes in life and yet 17 years passed swiftly by and I still haven't figure anything out.Yet. That's why I can't really explain to anyone else of what am I going to be in the next 10 years,not to mention the next upcoming month.

Next up-->I get confused when it comes to feelings. Thats just...indescribable.Don't ask me how..It's just too..complicated for me to explain it.Sometimes I feel like shouting at some 'pests' at the top of my lungs but would Jesus want me to do so?Is that what He wants and likes me to do? Is that what Jesus would do?

Besides,I often get confused when it comes to taking actions.Lets say a person talks trash about my good friend behind his/her back, What are the actions am I going to take?Should I Defend my friend or just force a smile at them(if they are talking to me) ? Should I tell anyone about this?(usually no)Hmm..

Anyway,I just hope and pray that I won't get all of you out there cofused.